When You're Gone
by Muse Dae
Summary: She wonders why she still hasn't been able to escape him. one shot. IchiRan


_I always needed time on my own_

_I never thought I'd_

_Need you there when I cry_

_And the days feel like years when I'm alone_

_And the bed where you lie_

_Is made up on your side_

She never thought she'd need him. He was always a constant to her. Even when he was gone, she still felt him there. His lingering smell, his laugh, his eery smile. The electric blue eyes only she had ever seen. She longed to touch his face, kiss his lips, get lost in him again.

_When you walk away_

_I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much I need you right now?_

After his betrayal, she had fallen. Everything she knew, her entire life, he had been there. He had saved her when she was starving. He had taught her what she knew. Everything she knew, all that she had been, was due to him. He was her other half. Her savior, her best friend, her lover. He had been everything to her.

When you're gone

The pieces of my heart are missing you

When you're gone

The face I came to know is missing too

When you're gone

The words I need to hear to always get me through the day

And make it OK

I miss you

She hadn't known that her heart could ever hurt as badly as it did the first night. If there was one thing she'd prided herself on, it was that she had never broken before. But after his betrayal, only her Taicho saw her cry. That first night, he had come and held her, a sharp contrast to how it usually was. And she, though often she seemed to be so happy and bubbly and free, let out everything she felt, staining his white haori with her tears.

_I've never felt this way before_

_Everything that I do_

_Reminds me of you_

_And the clothes you left_

_They lie on the floor_

_And they smell just like you_

_I love the things that you do_

Her heart ached every time she saw something of his in her room. She couldn't escape his presence. He was always there. And she knew that there was no escape from him. No matter how long she lived, his presence would still linger. She had loved him since she was young. There was no way to forget him, no way to bury the memories he had printed onto her mind. She had learned to accept it.

_When you walk away_

_I count the steps that you take_

_Do you see how much I need you right now?_

His betrayal still stung. Even now, so long after he had left her, she still woke up in the night, her face plastered with tears, gasping for air. It weighed heavily on her. If only she could've seen it, prevented it. She reasoned that she never could've stopped him. He was a free spirit. And not even she could've stopped him from vanishing and leaving her alone.

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_The words I need to hear to always get me through the day_

_And make it OK_

_I miss you_

Sometimes, she wondered if he ever thought of her. But these thoughts came late at night or during training. She knew deep down that he would never miss her the way she missed him. Yes, he had loved her, but his style of love was different from that of anyone else's. She hurt more than he did. She wasn't as cold.

_We were made for each other_

_Out here forever_

_I know we were_

_Yeah, yeahhh_

His face was everywhere. His voice surrounded her. Even when she worked late into the night, trying to push it away, she never could escape him. She could hear his smooth voice mocking her at night as she lay alone. "Ya ain't gonna forget thi'. No you ain't. Ya can't forge' dem nights." He was right.

_All I ever wanted was for you to know_

_Everything I do I give my heart and soul_

_I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me_

_Yeah_

To everyone else, she seemed healed. Only Nanao could tell she hadn't been able to move on. Nanao and her own Taicho. Though they had tried and tried, nothing could help their friend move on with her life after being hurt by the man she loved and trusted so dearly. It seemed she had suffered a fate similar to Hinamori's. Though her own was not brought on by hypnosis. Just pure hurt.

_When you're gone_

_The pieces of my heart are missing you_

_When you're gone_

_The face I came to know is missing too_

_When you're gone_

_The words I need to hear will always get me through the day_

_And make it OK_

_I miss you_

She knew she would never be okay. He would always haunt her. And all she could do was learn to live with it. Hopefully, she could forget him someday. He couldn't stay with her forever. After all, she had forever and a day.

A/N: Hopefully, through my lovely little hints, you picked up on the fact that it was Matsumoto Rangiku that this was about, lamenting the loss of her childhood friend, and lover, Ichimaru Gin. My first Bleach fic. I was working on another, but then Avril Lavigne came on and this song just screamed IchiRan. 3


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